White Girl in a Chinese-American World

Married!

2011-12-12T20:52:00.000-08:00

More tests, more FMIL love

2011-04-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

So just when I thought my health issues were over, some other weird things have started to happen, which equals more really scary tests.

My Chinese Guy is out of town for work for a whole week, which has left me to worry about my health and let my fears take advantage of my logic, which usually doesn't happen when he's around to give me a good hug and tell me he will make sure everything is okay.

So yesterday, I found myself turning to a surprising source of calm and love - his mom. Yes. I went over to MCGs parents house BY MYSELF! I ate dinner with them and we chatted and looked at Mother-of-the-Groom dresses online that she might like to wear for the wedding. His mom made my favorite dishes. I ate so much I couldn't breath, and then I fell fast asleep on their couch. And I felt so much better. And so loved. Again. Progress!

Tao Miu

I could eat a whole huge bowl of this for lunch. A few weeks ago I was at a work dinner in Chicago at a fancy Chinese fusion restaurant, where a colleague ordered beef that was garnished with Tao Miu. I tracked down our waiter and asked him to bring me a full side of it. Needless to say, he was surprised this White Girl knew her Chinese dishes.

Mai Fun

I once told MCGs mom that I love anything with noodles. That's when she began making Mai Fun. This is by far my favorite dish she makes. She takes special care to make mine with shrimp and no pork.

She also made her new specialty, Apple Pie :)

My Health Issues

2011-03-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to update everyone and thank you all for your concern about my health issue I mentioned in my last post. This particular issue concerns our ability to have children in the future.

My test results came back...NORMAL!

I am so grateful to Jesus for this amazing blessing and look forward to the day that I can raise my children to glorify Him.

My Birthday

2011-03-10T11:33:00.000-08:00

It was my birthday on Monday. I had a horrible day, even crying in the bathroom at work. I'm not sure why I was such a bundle of emotions.

Maybe part of it is that I'm going through a minor health issue that could escalate into something more serious. At the time, I was worried about some medical testing the following day that I was very fearful about. I had the testing done and should have results sometime soon. It's the kind of fear that I would want to talk to my mom about - and it made me miss her a lot. I needed her and I couldn't talk to her, which lead to swirling thoughts about not having her there on my wedding day, and how sad that makes me.

After work, we had planned to meet MCGs family for dinner. I was not in the mood, not because of them, but because of my day. When MCGs mom walked in the door she immediately gave me...the absolute best hug. The kind of hug you can only get from a mom. And it made me love her. For the first time it really made me love her. Beyond the day-to-day, which I even had with my own mother, I think it was the first time I felt her motherly love.

It was shocking. I thought nothing in the world could fix me that day. And she did.

The Wedding Guest List

2011-03-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

We are inviting 122 people to our wedding. This is the breakdown:

My family - 22

My Friends - 38

Total - 60

MCG's family - 33

MCG's friends - 29
Total - 62

This is the problem:
We worked out this list, starting with family. I listed my family. He listed his family. We sat down with his parents not once, but twice, to make sure we had everyone on the list, since MCG doesn't really know most of his family members in Hong Kong. Apparently, his mom doesn't know all of them either, because we had several people whom we were told to "just call Bob" which gave us a Bob 1, a Bob 2 and a Bob 3. In all fairness, maybe she didn't know their English names.

With each of us getting half of the spots, we then calculated how many friends each of us could invite to meet our half. We finalized the list.

We asked all my family members and all of our friends for their addresses and got everyone excited to receive our save the date magnets. We sent MCG's family list to his mom and dad so they could get us addresses for all of their family members, including those in HK. His Aunt came to visit. Then-

She told us how many people we were missing from his mom's side. People his mom had just forgotten. Everytime his aunt would say, "Oh, yes, so-and-so has been married to "Bob 4" for 12 years," his mom would say, "Oooh right, I forgot him." The "plan" is to send "announcements" to all of her family in Hong Kong, and then follow-up with a phone call to ask them if they're actually going to come. I know they they ALL won't come. But what if too many say yes? Then we can just say, "Well what we sent you is not an invitation, it's a announcement. You're not invited."
MCG happened. Yes, MCG is single handedly making our list grow out of control. We knew going into this we were on a limited budget, and there would be friends who we hang out with we could NOT invite. But every time we hang out with said friends, MCG says things to them like, "Dude, at the wedding we can..." or "I can't wait until we're all at my bachelor party and...." His "plan" is to take other people off his list to make room for the people he has now "accidentally" verbally invited. But those people he wants to remove came to our engagement party and brought us expensive gifts. We cannot NOT invite them now.

So- we're looking at adding a good 8-12 people to our list. Yes, some other people may not come. But unfortunately his parents also have a B-list of tons of family friends and are considering his family list as "their list". Whoever doesn't come from "their list" can be replaced by someone else whom they want to come. Just to be clear, we never told them that was the case.
8 people at $100 per person for dinner, plus a table linen, plus a centerpiece for the table = $1100.
I really don't know where that money is supposed to come from, because we sure as heck don't have it!

Hot Pot Night at Church

2011-02-23T21:05:00.000-08:00

MCG's mom invited us to a hot pot dinner at her church, which is 100% Cantonese. I was really excited to go, not just because it was a chance to experience the kind of fellowship My Chinese Guy grew up with, but because I knew it was an opportunity to show all of her friends that I am nice and open to their culture.

I have a fear that she tells people I'm horrible so any chance I have to make alliances with people in her circle, I jump on. Thus, we spent our Saturday night at the hot pot dinner.

I was the only white person there, which doesn't bother me at all. There was no English being spoken outside of conversation with me at our table. That didn't bother me, either. The food was actually delicious and MCG's auntie gave me tons of the things I like (tofu, noodles, sugar snap peas) because she knows I like them, and I appreciated that. Nothing about it really bothered me at all...until a Po Po (grandmother) walked from table to table with her grandson.

That opened the floodgates. It started with, "Well, you will need to keep your job so you can keep two incomes, so I will watch the baby 5 days a week. This is how the Chinese do it. The grandmother watches the baby." I explained that I will NOT keep my job, that all I have ever wanted was to be able to stay at home with my kids, because my mom was single and worked nights. I never had that in my life as a child. Not to mention that this is magnified by the passing away of my mom. "Well just 3 days so you can work part-time." No. No. No. Then I got the not-so-subtle push for us to join her church so the baby can grow up in Chinese church. That's fine. But no. I don't speak Cantonese, and I deserve a spiritually fullfilling church life just as much as my child does. "Well learn Chinese." Oh okay, I'll get right on that. MCG doesn't even speak it.

I ended the conversation by explaining further that I would rather sacrifice going out to nice dinners and having whichever purse I want for my birthday for being able to stay at home with my kids, and that I am responsible enough to understand that one income will not be the same as two. I let her know that I will be happy to bring our children to her church dinners like the one we were at, and then promised to raise our kids in a strong church. And that was that.

My Cheongsam

2011-02-01T17:07:00.000-08:00

It's just about 9 months until the wedding.

Things I have crossed off my checklist:
Church
Reception Venue
Photographer
Dress (Traditional and Cheongsam)

Things I'm close to checking off:
Invitations
Florist
Bridesmaid Dresses

Things I really need to get moving on:
Hotel block
Cake
1000 other things

Our wedding theme is "A Modern Romance." Literally, it explains the feel we are going for - modern design, romantic colors. Digging a little bit deeper, it's more about our relationship. Our White Girl Chinese Guy combo is what we consider to be a pretty modern pairing.

Well, without further ado, this is my wedding cheongsam.

No lace? No babies breath?

2011-01-28T08:19:00.000-08:00

Oh, the joys of planning our intercultural wedding.

Things we've come across:

1. My Chinese Guy didn't even know what a tea ceremony was. I brought it up with his family and asked his mother for help and guidance to have one. She became overwhelmed and annoyed with everything I was "making" her do for the wedding. So I suggested that I just figure it out using the Internet as a resource, and we will have one, though it may not be perfect. Then she became upset because she didn't want it to be performed incorrectly in front of her family. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

2. She bought me a gorgeous, I MEAN GORGEOUS cheongsam for the wedding. I cried when I saw it. Good job FMIL. I'll post on that soon.

3. I hired a wedding planner. A half-Chinese wedding planner. We came up with a ton of gorgeous ways to incorporate red into our wedding, which was a huge step for me since I don't love the color. She has made me love it. I also spoke with our invitation designer about somehow incorporating the double-happiness symbol. (I'm really REALLY trying here, guys.)

4. I showed aforementioned ideas to my FMIL. Tons of gorgeous bouquets and red flowers, explaining to her that we were incorporating a lot of red because I know it's a very symbolic color for Chinese weddings. "Oh. So no babies breath?"

5. I showed her a photo of my in my wedding gown. I haven't really shown it to anyone, not even my maid of honor. I told her I was sharing it with her as a special thing between her and I. "It's pretty. Very simple. But no lace? Maybe you could get some lace added."

These are just a few things, and they're honestly not that big of a deal. At least we have gotten over the fact that I am white and not Chinese and will never be Chinese. I can deal with babies breath and lace over personal attacks any day. We've been otherwise on very good terms lately. Thank God!

Day 3

2010-11-04T16:44:00.000-07:00

I've just learned that I will likely be hosting Thanksgiving for My Chinese Guy's family at my condo. I'm actually kind of excited. My turf.

This all came about after I read my monthly Food & Wine Magazine. The November issue always features Thanksgiving, of course. But this year, the feature is something I can completely relate to - it's "Asian-American Thanksgiving." This article is lovely. The author is a Taiwanese chef and her husband is a caucasian dude from Masschusetts. She talks a bit about how she ate duck for Thanksgiving growing up and how her family celebrated such an American holiday. She includes at the end of her article the recipe for an asian inspired meal that I plan to prepare for MCGs parents and sister. I can't wait!

What could a Southern girl like me love more than a Sriracha and Wasabi deviled egg?!?!

Here's the menu. I would love to know if anyone else chooses to make any of these dishes!

Day 2

2010-11-03T16:09:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Describe the plot of the next book you want to read, even if the book doesn't exist yet.

Ugh. I don't like Day 2. What else can I tell you about...
*Note to MCG----do not read past this point.

MCG's Birthday is coming up. I have no idea what to get him, but I do know what ever it is, it will never get used. He and his family do this odd thing where when they receive a gift they really like, they never open it, but rather they display it on a shelf somewhere. Since we moved in together my shelves have filled up with gifts he has received: a little stuffed animal that describes his personality perfectly, an exotic chocolate bar, a crystal photo frame still in its box.

So I've decided to go with a "services" theme. Things he has no choice but to enjoy in the moment. Breakfast in bed. A hot lather shave and a massage at a spa. A golf lesson. :)

NABLOPMO

2010-11-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

Since I'm new to the blog world, I'm taking some direction from American-Family and going with this whole NABLOPMO thing for a few reasons.

1. I realize that my FMIL drama is getting old and thought this would be a nice breath of fresh air for all of us.

2. It should help me get into the habit of blogging daily.

3. You can get to know me outside of just having a Chinese fiance.

Here goes.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tell us the story of a piece of jewelry you own. Where did it come from, and what does it mean to you?

I always wear a piece of jewelry that was my mother's. ALWAYS. I sometimes wear her favorite amethyst set in gold, but 90 percent of the time it's a silver ring with two pearls and two diamonds that was given to her by Oma, who received it from my biological grandfather ("Papa").

Papa was stationed in Germany in the late 50's. He was a California boy (just like MCG) who had enlisted in the Army. It was just outside of Stuttgart where he laid eyes on my grandmother for this first time. She wasn't interested in him in the least. She was 19 years old and known as a beauty in her tiny town, so he wasn't the only man after her heart.

Oma was born in 1939. She grew up very poor and was raised by her grandmother. Her mother was imprisoned for a year during WWII (accused of hiding weapons or Jews, we aren't sure which) and her father was drafted into the Nazi army. She stole potatoes from the fields after they had been picked over, and they would breed rabbits as their main source of protein. Her father was said to have been killed in the war when she was very young, but he miraculously reappeared when she was 10, actually having survived. Within months of his return, her mother became pregnant and passed away during a stillbirth on May 23, 1950.

When she met Papa, she was not much better off, but was happy with her life. She had suitors to choose from. It took some work, but he finally won her heart and proposed to her. I believe they were married in Germany a short time after, and when she was 21 he brought her to the United States. She was carrying only a small basket of personal belongings - the only items she ever owned. When she stepped foot onto American soil for the first time, he gave her a very special gift - the ring I wear every day on my right hand.

Papa passed away on Oct. 31, 1970 in Vietnam when my mother was only 8 years old. When my mom became sick several years ago, my Oma gave the ring to her. She wore it for 7 long months and when she passed away I received the ring as a gift from Oma. It is without a doubt, my most prized possession - what my mother called "a link" to her and to Papa, hence why I rarely take it off.

It's special to me to know that, though MCG never met my mom, this "link" to her will be with me on our wedding day as we grow to be husband and wife. I find it very symbolic that when he places the wedding band on my finger that day (a "link" to him) I will have the two most special people who ever touched my life on each hand.

Kubler Ross

2010-10-25T14:51:00.000-07:00

Is anyone familiar with the Kubler Ross model, also known as the five stages of grief?

I may have mentioned that one of my best friends is korean. She is dating korean guy very seriously, but his parents refuse to build a deep relationship with her until their son starts talking about marriage with her. She and I were speaking today about mother-in-laws, and she told me she had spoken with her boyfriend a bit about what I am dealing with.

Her boyfriend has a very large family, and several cousins who have married into other cultures, including caucasian and latino. He explained to her that for the parents of his cousins, at first this was very hard to deal with and that it took an actual wedding for them to reach acceptance. He also said that he watched each set of parents go through the five stages of grief.

What a novel idea. It makes total sense. While usually associated with death, the Kubler Ross model can also be applied to other emotional trauma.

1. Denial: This was our honeymoon phase, when FMIL was so sweet to me because she thought I was temporary.

2. Anger: This is us now. She's angry with me. She's angry with him. She's just all around angry about this whole engagement. And she's not afraid to show it.

3. Bargaining: I wonder how this will manifest. I know she has nothing to offer, so I fear it may come as a threat like that they won't come to our wedding.

4. Depression: And of course, she will get sad. A month before our wedding I'm sure she'll cry many tears for "the loss" of her son to...me.

5. Acceptance: Wouldn't that be nice?

"You know what they say in MY culture?" - The meeting of the parents, Part II

2010-10-24T17:29:00.000-07:00

The second time our parents met was last month at our engagement party. My dad flew up on Friday night while MCG was still away on business. We went out for dinner and had a nice long chat, during which I brought up that I was having trouble with FMIL. I told him about what she said about me not being what she expected, and I word vomited. Once I got going, I couldn't stop. I should have stopped. I told him how she made me cry and how I felt like an outsider, and of course, he got VERY defensive. When he said, "I can't wait to give that woman a piece of my mind," I knew I had said too much. I begged him to keep peace at our party the next day.

On Saturday morning, my dad spent all day putting up decorations in MCGs parents back yard. He literally set EVERYTHING up with MCG. I was in the kitchen working with MCGs Sister (M) on the food. FMIL was buzzing around the house talking to her friend on the phone all morning. By the time the start of the party rolled around, she sat down on the couch with her hand on her head. "Ugh, I am so exhausted from all of these party preparations!" ....she had barely lifted a finger.

For four hours, M and I replenished food, replenished beverages, and my dad worked the grill for the entire party. FMIL stayed in the house for the first hour with her pastor and his young kids, who were staring out the windows into the backyard where everyone was eating and playing games. I came in and said, "FMIL, why don't you come down and join us? Everyone is having a great time!" She ignored me. So I looked at her pastor and said, "Everyone would really love to meet you. Wouldn't you like to come down and have some food?" With a dirty look from FMIL, I lead them down to the backyard.

The party went on without so much as her asking if she could do one thing. I was a bit confused because weeks before the party, she asked me several times what she could do to help. Then she got mad because I was "not including her." So when I DID ask her to help, she said she didn't want to "be the maid" at our party and that we were asking too much of her. In the wise words of MCGs younger sister, it's really hard to make their mom feel included without making her feel overwhelmed. Damned if I do. Damned if I don't.

It was completely apparent that she wanted this party to fail. She wanted to watch me try to do it all on my own. And she wanted me to go down in flames. At one point, MCGs dad (who can't stand up on his own without help) dropped his plate of food onto the ground. FMIL looked over at him, and ignored it. I saw her and walked over to her and asked her if FFIL needed help, to which she replied, "I don't know, why don't you go ask him?" I made him another plate of food and took it to him.

So the party starts to wrap up and we are off in a corner chatting with some friends, when I realize that FMIL has made her way over and is sitting next to my dad alone. I immediately panic and pray to God that he is not bringing up our talk. I see her face. I see his face. It doesn't look good. I try to tune out our friends' conversation, and pick up just enough to know that things are going south, and fast. To the extent that I could hear, it went something like this:

FMIL- In my culture losing the son is hard for the family. Especially with daddy sick. They say something like (insert Chinese here) which translates to, when your son gets married you lose him and it makes life hard. Doesn't it bother you that (Chinese Guy) is Chinese? That he is different than your daughter?

My dad- Well you know what they say in MY culture? They say when your daughter gets married, you are not losing your daughter, you are gaining a son. And it's just too bad that you don't feel that way about (White Girl). Because I could care less if (Chinese Guy) is Chinese. He could be Muslim or Hindu or black or any color of the rainbow and that wouldn't matter to me a bit. Because I know how much (White Girl) loves him and how much he loves her. And that is enough for me. I can't wait for him to be my son in law.

And at this point, I saw that my dad was getting a bit worked up, so I politely asked all of our friends to go take a seat because it looked like the parents needed some company. Once the crowd moved into earshot, it dissipated the little tiff. Thank God!

Needless to say, it didn't go as well as their first meeting. But I was honestly glad. Because I know FMIL thinks that just because my family is from the south they are closed minded and racist. I was so proud that my dad was able to tell her directly that our morals and values do not include such things, and are in fact opposite.

That was Sept. 25. I have not seen or spoken to FMIL since...

In My Corner

2010-10-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've done some complaining about my FMIL. My Chinese Guy's other family members have turned out to be amazingly supportive.

MCG has two sisters. One older (M) and one younger (P).

M is the matriarch of the family. I have tremendous respect for her because she shares a lot of the financial responsibility with MCG to support their parents. She is successful in her career and she is above all, a very reliable person I know we can always count on. We didn't exactly become best friends from the day we met, and we still have more work to do. But with a brother of my own, I know what it's like to have a somewhat territorial feeling when your only brother falls in love and decides to get married. It's not easy. She and I are very different people - she's very logical and regimented with a dry sense of humor. If she wants to do something, she reads a book about it first. I've always liked her, but it's interesting because we have very little in common.

Out of anyone in his family, M has surprised me most. She never takes a trip without bringing us back a thoughtful gift. She spent hours preparing for our engagement party - something that made me feel so special and loved. M has grown to understand what at first she didn't, which is that I am not just someone looking to marry her brother, but I'm looking for a family. MCG, M and her parents are the only people I have to call family within a 3-state radius. M has become a sister to me because I know she truly cares about me. I am so excited for her to stand with me at the altar when I become part of her family. *tear.

P is still in college in the Bay Area. The second I met her I adored her. She's very much like me and we are closer in age than M and I, so I think we relate to each other much more. She's very caring and open about emotions which makes it really easy and comfortable for me to communicate openly with her. When my FMIL's email was received with the comments that hurt my feelings, it was P who stood up for me. She wrote an email back to my FMIL that asked her to please try to understand my situation and stop being so critical of me, calling her mother "critical" and telling her she knows it hurts, because she has received the same kind of criticism in the past. But I've only met P a few times since she lives far away from us, but I can't wait to spend more time with her so our bond can grow.

And last but not least, MCG. My knight in shining armor. When FMIL says offensive things to him about me in Chinese under her breath, he pushes her to say it out loud and then in English (at which point she sugar coats her original comment). But he does this so she knows it's not okay for her to say things about me that I can't understand that she would never say to me in English. He respects that I need my time and space away from her. He never asks me to be anything I'm not. He always considers my feelings and is open with his family about our future marriage and family being his first priority.

That's not to say he doesn't feel the "asian guilt." I know there is a LOT of pressure from his mom, especially with his dad being sick. I know it's really hard for him to even find time for himself when he has his parents and me to worry about. If anyone is getting the short end of the stick, it's him. He works so hard both professionally and personally to keep everyone happy and taken care of. Poor thing.

So that's who I have in my corner.

Asian Pears and Swingers - The meeting of the parents, Part I

2010-10-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing that went really well when my dad met My Chinese Guy's parents for the first time, it was that he loved, LOVED the asian pear my future mother in law served. Cha Siu Bao was a close second.

It was over the summer when my dad came to visit me. We planned a lot of activities to his liking, including a visit to a swanky rooftop bar and his favorite restaurant in our area. And into the mix, we threw in a, "Oh, and we'll just stop by MCG's house so you can meet his parents on Saturday morning. No pressure, just swinging by." And he was totally fine with that. He likes things to be pretty laid back, though I think none of us could have imagined sitting at dinner for 2 hours staring across the table with nothing to talk about.

On the other side, MCG's mom spent the full day before my dad's arrival cleaning her (already perfectly tidy, typical Asian) house and preparing food. She buzzed around for a week asking us what he was like and how tall he was and if we thought she should wear this or that outfit.

When the time finally came, my dad and MCGs dad sat on the couch in silence watching TV until we were able to pry their attention away. Conversation pretty much sounded like what I hear my dad say to his own mother. "How are things? How are you liking the weather here?" Then, we moved on to my dad's profession and he mentioned that he travels often for work, and also to NY often to see his girlfriend. (PS dad and step mom got divorced, he's not a cheater!) So then he says, "I was in LA the week before last, and will be in NY just after this for work, and then heading to Vegas for fun." To which MCGs mom says, "Oooooooooooh. Sound to me like a swinger. You such a swinger!" I don't think she realized that the word "swinger" means a person who sleeps with multiple people, often at once. In her attempt to be cool and use "american" lingo, she chose "swinger" which I assume she thinks means a person who travels from place to place. And then my dad says, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA, HONEY."

And then MCG and I could not control our laughter anymore. We were all laughing like crazy, us knowing that MCGs mom didn't use "swinger" correctly, her laughing only because everyone else was laughing, and my dad laughing because now he thinks it's okay for him to show his true colors and that MCGs family actually knows he's promiscuous, and he has just come clean.

I don't think it could have gone any better than it did.

Engaged in Paris!

2010-10-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

Just a few photos of our trip to Paris. I'm actually surprised with how many we have of the backs of our heads :)

The Eiffel Tower at dusk.
My Chinese Guy at the top of the Eiffel Tower

Notre Dame
Versaille

From PostSecret

2010-10-19T18:41:00.001-07:00

Not What You Expected

2010-10-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

"She's just not what I expected in a daughter in law."

Let the growing pains begin. A few weeks ago, my Chinese guy's mom said these heart breaking words. I wish I could say that I understand. I wish I could say I know in my heart one day she will really grow to love me as her own. But I fear that this is not the case.

I am not what she expected because I am not Chinese. Not in the sense that I don't look Chinese. In the sense that I don't know the correct protocol, and in the way that I will never treat her like a Chinese daughter in law would - simply because I do not know how to. I have no example. I don't know anyone else in my situation.

The past year of my life has been filled with sacrifice for my Chinese guy's parents. There are so many things we would have loved to have done that we have not, because of them. And I have sacrificed for them not just willingly, but happily...most of the time. But I'm finding this more and more difficult to do. MCG was told that I "need to have more respect" for his family.

I am devastated. To say the least. I understand that his mother is losing her only son. I understand that she is going through a difficult time personally. I do not, however, understand why I have received such a negative response from her now that we are engaged. We have never had any problems before this. Did she think I was just a phase?

Out of respect for his family, from the day we got engaged, I have planned that we would include a Chinese Tea Ceremony in our wedding day. MCG didn't even care to have one. His mother has provided little advice in the planning process, so I've just been researching on my own and emailed her a few links to Qipaos I thought would be nice. I found one I really loved, and she told me it looks like a Chinese restaurant hostess dress. Ouch.

If there is anyone who could help me figure this out, I would love to know why she has suddenly turned on me. I'm sure you're wondering why I'm not asking for advice as to what I can do to get back into her good graces, but honestly, I don't want to see her much less try to please her. If what I have done for her family is not enough, nothing I can do is enough. I can only be myself, and know that I am a good person with a kind heart who loves her son more than anything in the world. I know that this is what comes with the territory - with being a White Girl Chinese Guy couple. But I just never thought we would have this issue with his family.

Rewind - Meeting the Grandparents

2010-09-13T13:58:00.001-07:00

"Goodness, [Your Chinese Guy] is SO helpful!" - Oma

"He is just SO handsome!" -Oma

"He's a really sharp fellow." - Grandaddy

Victory! Of course, my grandparents loved My Chinese Guy, just like I knew they would. My Oma waited on him hand a foot. And this from the woman I had to delicately introduce my interracial relationship to!

My first gold bracelet

2010-09-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

This past Friday night My Chinese Guy and I gathered in the tiny back bedroom of his parents' house where his mom housed a huge suitcase full of goods her sister sent from the bay area. Among clothes and some suits, there were several red velvet satchels containing small boxes. From one of them his mom removed a gold four leaf clover bracelet and put it on my wrist. An engagement gift from her sister.

Yes :) An engagement gift. My Chinese FIANCE proposed on July 30th and swept me away for a week of romance in Paris. It was the most amazing week of my life!

Wedding plans are already in motion and I can't wait to share the details of our cross cultural celebration.

Hope you are all well!

Feeling Unaccepted.

2010-04-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

When MCG and I met, he was living with his grad school buddy, Jason. Jason is also Chinese and has become a great friend to me, too. He left to go to China for several months on business and returned last night, so of course we met up for some homecoming celebration.

He invited out two of his friends, both asian girls. I noticed the same reaction from them that I see in many asian girls when they see us, a white girl and asian guy, completely in love. At first they aren't sure. They look from him to me and from me to him. I see the question all over their faces - "Is that his...GIRLFRIEND?"

Side note: I'm not being biased here, but MCG is really, really hot. And I've said that before, but everyone from his asian Aunties, to my friends (white and asian) to my white friend's mom, thinks he is extremely good looking.

Once they figure it out and introductions are made, I see them look from him to me and from me to him, but the look on their faces has changed to one of disdain. They are mad that I have him. And that doesn't bother me. But what does bother me is that it ruins my chances of making friends with these girls. I have to try really hard to be extra nice and extra interested so they can see that I'm not a threat. I'm not just some girl who took one of their men and doesn't care about their culture or who doesn't understand it, or worse, some girl who feels uncomfortable in a group of asians - like MCG is the only asian person I can be around.

Sometimes it's just girls on the street. I really do get dirty looks from them when they pass us in the mall holding hands. To me, it's borderline racist. If I saw a black man and a white woman walking holding hands and I made a nasty face...wouldn't that be racist? On the flipside, My Chinese Guy says he sees older white folks, mostly women, give snake eyes when they see us together. It's really sad and sometimes it's hard to get over.

Last night, I ended up having a really great conversation with the two girls who came out with us, and I would love to be friends with them. As the night progressed they warmed up to me and it made me feel a lot more comfortable. Mostly it made me recognize even more how I should never judge someone based on something surface-level. I also hoped that one day, maybe a year from now I might be out to lunch with them, and we could laugh about the first night we met and talk honestly about how we were so stupid to judge each other.

You that my heart beats for

2010-04-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

My Chinese Guy and I, we have had our fair share of arguments and rough times. Most of the time being a White Girl Chinese Guy Couple has nothing to do with it at all. And lately we've dealt with some pretty serious trials from which the aftermath still looms. But, we are still very much in love and very much together.

Sometimes life throws curve balls when you're just one step away from engaged, and one huge fight away from a break up -- because you get to a point in your relationship where you know it's either going to move forward or it's not forever, and you can't just exist in limbo. But when tough times hit and test that bond, you realize you're either just a girlfriend, or you're a life partner. And, thank God, we are life partners.

And here's how it worked. Life took all of our plans and switched them around and set us on a new path faster than we could count to 3. We cried. We laughed. We fell apart for a brief moment both personally and in our relationship, and then we scrambled for the only sense of comfort we have in this world - each other. And last weekend we looked at rings again. This time it wasn't just a fun trip to Tiffany's. It was real and it was finding THE ring and it shook me to the core. This is the man I am going to spend my life with.

And the magic of it all is that, even in the midst of a breakdown, we were both each other's rock. I was weak on my own. He was weak on his own. But together, we were strong. "Us" was bigger than either one of us individually.

Comfortable as rain on Sunday

And I’m a lucky soul

That holds your hand so tight

Hope you hear this one day

Don’t fool yourself

This is my truth

I swear it’s you

that i waited for

I swear it’s you that my heart beats for

And it just won’t stop

You take this hand

You take this heart

-one republic

Erin Go Bragh!

2010-03-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

..or "Ireland Forever!"

Today we celebrated one of MY traditions, though everyone claims to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I dragged My Chinese Guy to a local Irish bar to drink green beer and eat fish and chips, and he loved it :) He's American born, so it's nothing new to him, but actually knowing someone and experiencing the tradition with someone who is REALLY of Irish descent, is.

Not only do I have a very traditional Irish surname (a variation of the "Mc" like in McFadden or McGinty), I also visited Ireland my senior year of college to trace the roots of my ancestors. As it turns out my family is from County Mayo, and we even have a historical family crest.

My Chinese Guy's family are from Guangzhou on his mother's side and Guilin on his father's side, which means our fathers' ancestors were 5910.9 miles/9512.6 kilometers apart. And he and I grew up on opposite coasts of North America.

We constantly marvel that we ended up together. Recently, while checking in for an international flight the attendant looked at my Passport from Tennessee, and My Chinese Guy's Passport from California, then looked from him to me and back to him again before blurting,

"Well how did the two of you end up together?"

And the answer is that we just got extremely lucky. WGCG Go Bragh!

The tale of the Oma

2010-03-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

Plane tickets purchased.
Requested days off work.
Now we wait.

Fourth of July weekend will be spent with my Oma (grandmother in German) and Granddaddy. My Chinese Guy will be joining me on the trip to Florida where they live. He's never met them before, though I have visited them several times throughout the duration of our now 1-year-and-3-month romance. And there's a reason why.

I had to warm my Oma up to the thought of me dating a Chinese guy. The very first time I brought it up she told me a story of an interracial couple who ruined their lives by marrying and both became alcoholics. Then she called him "oriental." After a few months went by and I told her MCG and I were still dating she gave me lectures on how it would be "so much easier to be with someone from the same background."

So after many months and continuing to tell her wonderful stories about MCG, about how successful he is as a professional, about how close he is with his family and how he takes care of his parents, about him being the rock in my life, she began to come around. She began to see past "Chinese" and saw that he was an amazing, amazing man.

It's important that MCG meets my grandmother - this grandmother - my Oma. She represents my mother's side of the family. My mother passed away in April of 2007 so MCG never got to meet her. It's this big, weird hole in my life knowing my mom never got to meet the man I will marry. So my Oma, she is the only person who can fill this void. That is why it is so important to me that she accept him with open arms.

And it is to the point now that she will. It took a lot of work. My cousin is married to a Southern white man in the Air Force. My brother is married to a beautiful white woman. There is no "interracial" on that side of my family. I don't mean to say that my Oma is closed minded or naive. She has traveled the world twice over and has been to China many times. She just has very old-school ideas of what is proper.

And now, after all this time, she cannot wait to meet this Chinese boyfriend of mine. And it makes me happy that I have been instrumental in the broadening of her horizons. That she is now open to and excited for something she never thought she would be.

25 pounds? More to love!

2010-02-23T18:27:00.000-08:00

My Chinese Guy has put on 25 pounds in the year and 2 months since we met. I have gained almost 7. It happens to the best of us, when we get into a long-term relationship. You spend a little more time snuggling, watching movies and enjoying dinner dates out. For MCG, it also has a little bit to do with his love of Southern food and my willingness and growing ability to cook it.

"I don't think my comfort food is Chinese food anymore," he said as we feasted tonight.

It was fun introducing him to my cultural comfort food. I have to admit- I've made 72 red velvet cupcakes in the past 2 months. Granted, we shared some with friends and even ended up throwing some out. But for the most part, we ate them...on top of cookies and scones and rice krispy treats. Then there were the pork chops and the mashed potatoes and thousand-calorie Chipotle burritos with all the "fixin's".

Cookies I made for Valentine's Day

My third batch of red velvet cupcakes

So lately we've been cutting out the fat and upping the veggies. Low fat cheese, low fat butter, fat free sour cream. English muffins instead of our usual bagels. Using chicken stock to flavor mashed potatoes instead of butter and cream. We even found a recipe we love for brussell sprouts.

MCG also signed us up at Gold's, so we're battling the bulge on all fronts. Though we will miss red velvet cupcakes galore, we're so ready for the spring so we can get back to hiking our local trails and riding our bikes. And mostly we are happy to be working on being better for each other and ourselves.

Chinese New Year

2010-02-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

We met MCG's parents out for dinner on the eve of Chinese New Year. When we walked into the restaurant there was a long wait time and we were the only White girl - Chinese guy couple. As the night went on, we actually saw two other couples just like us, both blondes! It was so interesting to see them looking at us, and us looking at them. Unspoken camaraderie.

When MCG's parents walked in, his mom was carrying a box. "This is from daddy (MCG's dad)."

I opened the box and it was a dozen red roses. His dad said to make sure to find the card. So I looked in the bottom of the box, found the card and opened it. Inside it said, "We love you."

They love me. And they told me. I can die happy.

Bonding with his mom and dad

2010-02-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

I am starting to have some faith that this blog is actually helping people out. People in my very own situation. So I'd like to start talking more about ways MCG have proactively worked to help me and his parents...bond.

It's always been easy with his mom. She is a sensitive, sweet little woman who held my hand and hugged me from the day I met her. When she knows I like something, like canteloupe, she makes sure to send us home with one every time we visit, and to have a second one cut up and at room temperature for me to snack on, just the way I like it. It's very special to me. She also talks about how she wants to learn how to cook "American" food, or food that is healthier and less oily than the Chinese food she knows how to make. So once every week or so, MCG buy groceries and head over to his parents' house armed with everything we need to make our favorite dishes for them. I showed her how to make meatballs, but using ground turkey instead of ground beef. Now she keeps ground turkey on-hand :) I boiled and mashed potatoes in her kitchen while MCG grilled steaks. She must have asked me three times what I was making and how I was making it. It was a wonderful experience.

I think what has gone farthest though, is making a big deal about special occasions. MCG's mom is very health conscious, but she loves to eat. She always tells me that Chinese people don't like really sweet desserts. So for her birthday I made her a birthday cake with whipped cream frosting that wasn't too sweet and fresh berries. She LOVED it. She even said it looked very similar to what you would find in a Chinese bakery. That was our moment.

Then, on the other hand, you have MCG's dad. I found the process of bonding with him to very different. He doesn't want to eat turkey meatballs. He wants his Chinese food. He doesn't want mashed potatoes with his steak. He wants rice. So I knew it was out of the question for me to bond with him over food. He's also not very talkative. I had to come up with some other ideas.

So what are the things he REALLY loves?

Sports - So I suggested that for Christmas we buy the 4 of us tickets to a college basketball game that he had talked about wanting to see for a while. And it just so happened that this particular game fell on New Year's Eve, one of my favorite nights of the year to put on a beautiful dress, have a swanky dinner, and dance the night away. But, I sacrificed that this year, which would have been my first opportunity to spend NYE with MCG, to bond with his dad. And it spoke volumes. I also watch for scores from his favorite teams and keep them "in my back pocket" for when I want to make conversation with him.

Chinese Food - We go out with them for Dim Sum on the weekends. I keep an open mind and try his dad's favorite dishes. Just a little thing.

Keeping up with the News - When his dad brings up any current event, I know it's a chance for me to jump into the conversation with him. "I read one article that said..." I think it also helps him see that I am aware and intelligent, which makes him respect me more.

Then, after almost 6 months, it happened. There was a snow storm in our area and we went to MCG's parents house to make sure they were okay. MCG needed to take his mom to the gorcery store to make sure they had enough food in case they got snowed in. His dad was not feeling well and had cut his hand pretty badly the night before. So I volunteered to stay at the house with him. As soon as MCG and his mom were out the door, his dad started telling me the story of how he hurt his hand, and then said, "Come see." I wasn't sure I heard him correctly, as he had never addressed me directly before. Again, he said "come see." So I went over to where he was sitting and he showed me the wound and explained how his wife had dressed it. I then began talking to him about all the snow and even showing him pictures MCG and I had taken. We had bonded.

It's been a while...

2010-02-10T12:41:00.000-08:00

First off, MCG and I are still together and still very happy.

We're not engaged but we talk about it often and understand that the next step in our relationship is just on the horizon. In order to continue building our foundation and understanding between our families, he has spent more time with my family and vice versa.

I think our biggest hurdle will come when our families meet for the first time.

I still get comments from my Granny (who lives in Tennessee) about his family. "Well they probably don't even believe in God." At which point I explain to her that they do, and they are actually very devout Christians. Or from my (German) Oma, who told me a story about an interracial couple she once knew, and it "ruined their lives." My grandmothers aren't racist. I understand that they just want what is best for me and for me to have a long, happy marriage. To them, that means I would choose someone who is the same as me. Who grew up the way I did and whose parents grew up the way mine did - someone with whom I share common ground.

In order to overcome some of their trepidation and show them there is much more common ground than they may think, I sprinkle in a few of my own comments during our conversations. To my very social and proper Oma, I will comment on how MCG's mom is a "social butterfly" and loves to entertain. Or to my Godly Granny, talk about how MCG's mom would never miss church on a Sunday. I think it helps then understand that his family is CHINESE AMERICAN. That though they may have a different culture they are very much the same in their beliefs and daily lives.

The Talk

2009-11-12T17:09:00.001-08:00

My Chinese Guy had "the talk" with his parents. I don't think they were surprised to hear it.

"This isn't just a girl I am dating. This is the girl I am going to marry."

He and I have talked about it for several months now, even making every girl's dream trip to Tiffany & Co. to check out the options. But it was only recently that he sat down with his parents and had a formal discussion about his timeline and transitioning from a child's role to the role of a man starting his own family.

Our situation is different because there are (personal) reasons that make it necessary for MCG to live in close proximity to his parents and share a kind of "on call" schedule with his sister to make sure they always have someone close in case of emergencies. So the idea that there is now a third and constant priority in his life: his family, his job, and now me, is much more serious than in a normal situation.

It has really helped a lot, because the circumstances which caused him to spend a lot of time with and doing things for his parents was taking its toll on our relationship. I was used to having him 50 percent of the time. His parents expected a majority of his time and attention. So my Chinese Guy was always stuck feeling like he couldn't ever give everyone what they needed.

Now that he has had this talk, his parents are very encouraging about investing all the time we need to in building our relationship and or lives together. The biggest benefit is that I don't feel guilty when he doesn't spend 3 or 4 nights a week with them. And they are happy knowing I am taking care of him and making him good dinners, etc.

“Do you want to know my own personal opinion? It never works with a white girl and an asian guy.”

2009-11-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

This is the advice I got from a female Korean co-worker who is married to a white guy.

And the truth is…it’s not easy. I don’t understand a lot of things about MCG’s family. And he doesn’t understand a lot of things about mine. We have some major struggles.
There’s a novelty to it…being the white girl and the Chinese guy. But at the end of the day we are just two people from very different backgrounds trying to find the same future. I have told you all before that I fell in love with him immediately. And we have had an amazing relationship. But taking it to the next level is a real challenge.

MCG’s parents have been married for over 30 years. They’ve stuck together through the thick and really thin. My dad just ended his third marriage. And my mom passed away several years ago. I always thought when I got married I would gain that sense of family from his side that I lacked on my own. But it’s not like I can just walk in the door and immediately feel like a part of his family, when I don’t even really understand their style of communication, or agree with it. And it goes both ways.

One really good example is how we show appreciation. Right now my dad is going through aforementioned divorce numero tres. And I’m flying home to hang out with him so he doesn’t have to be alone. Over and over and over again he has said thank you. I expect that when I get home he will give me a big hug and maybe even shed a tear of joy. Then we’ll go to dinner somewhere really nice because he wants me to know how much he appreciates that I came home to help him out. And he will say thank you again. We show our feelings. We voice our value to each other.

MGC’s family is much quieter about their appreciation. To the point where I don’t even see it because I don’t know where to look for it. And it’s something that makes me feel like we are so different. Will I ever understand? And how can this family be the family I always wanted when I can’t give them a big hug to thank them for something, or expect at least a verbal “thank you” from them when I have bent over backwards to do something nice for them? I KNOW they are thankful. I know they care. I just don’t understand why they don’t tell each other that.

And at the same time, I don’t even really have a “family unit.” We all just do our own thing and we don’t ask each other for anything. We’re all kind of on our own. His family has this responsibility and need to help each other even with the littlest things. They are so close. And that’s something I have always wanted. And something my family does not offer me whatsoever. Something that I know is really different and maybe even hard for MCG to see.

If you are a white girl starting a relationship with an asian guy, it’s not easy. It’s harder than usual. And it takes sacrifice. You can both work to be more understanding of each other, but your family differences will never change.

And I'm not the only one...WAR EAGLE!

2009-10-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

I never even knew it was rare for an Asian guy to date a white girl. It hadn't crossed my mind. And before I met MCG, if I had seen an Asian guy with a white girl on the street, I wouldn't have given it a second thought.

It was our first real date after the night we met and we went to get hot chocolate on a cold December night. It was like any first date. We talked and laughed and made conversation. At the end of the night MCG drove me to my car and went in for this very intense kiss. I was extremely shocked. I rarely kiss on the first date. To this day, I tease him about it. But now that I know the stereotypes and the rarity of our kind of relationship, I understand why he did it. He worried I was thinking he would be less assertive because he's asian. So he made a huge effort to show off his confidence. And I loved it. I was shocked and excited by his kiss.

And now, when we see other WGCG couples, we use a code word: "War Eagle." If any of you are familiar with SEC football, you'll know that Auburn Tiger fans say this cheer. Most of my family members are Auburn alumni and it's what we say when we really like something. So this is our code word. This morning we were out to brunch and saw not one, but TWO "War Eagles." MGC said, "War Eagle. Left corner. Top of the stairs." :)

We see them more often than you would think. And many times, the girl is beautiful and the guy is hot. And we love it. It's a small little community and I would like to think we all notice each other.

So, really. How did I end up with a Chinese guy?

2009-10-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

I can't say that I was one of those girls who has always been attracted to Asian guys. It actually never even crossed my mind until a few years go when I found myself in a new city with no friends.

I was in a relationship at the time and ended up on a double date with him and his Korean friend. The friend had invited a Korean girl to be his date and she and I got along fabulously. I broke up with my boyfriend. She stopped dating that guy. And she and I ended up...best friends.

She was the person who introduced me to many asian traditions. She had a large group of Asian friends and I always hung out with her, even if I was the only white person in the room. And I got used to it. And now it doesn't even phase me. For the record, this has nothing to do with race, but a lot to do with culture. When you're the only person who doesn't speak Korean or when you walk into a bar and everyone stares at you because you're different, it takes getting used to. And for the first time in my life, as a girl from the south, I understood what it was like to be the minority.

And then it happened -
for the first time,

I saw an (korean) asian guy

and thought,

"Wow. That guy is..HOT!"

And it happened more and more. I saw hot Vietnamese guys and hot Japanese guys... And then I saw the hottest guy I had EVER seen. And he was My Chinese Guy.

Do I think I would have thought he was hot if I hadn't spent so much time around other Asian people? Yes. Would I have pursued a relationship with him? Maybe not.

Because I would have immediately thought to myself, "We are too different."

The biggest thing was, there was no fear of the unknown when I met MCG. I wasn't thinking, "Maybe he doesn't like white girls," or "What if he doesn't speak english well?" I knew better. And I think that's why a lot of white girls don't even notice asian guys. Because they just don't know a lot about Asian people.

Topic to be continued....

Meeting the parents

2009-10-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

If you asked him, my Chinese guy would tell you that his parents are very Americanized. They speak English well and aren't extremely traditional. So when it came time for me to meet them, he assured me that there was nothing to worry about. In terms of preparation, there was no, "When you meet them, make sure you...," or "When we eat dinner, always..." I went into the situation knowing I shouldn't throw my arms around his dad's neck for a nice big hug (MCG and his dad rarely even hug) but that was about it.

The long awaited day came (almost 2 weeks ago, now) and we met them for lunch at a restaurant along with MCG's sister whom I know well. His mom, at less than five feet, looked up at me with complete, giggly adoration. She gave me a little hug and held my hand without letting go for almost 30 seconds. I greeted his father with a hand shake. I felt so welcomed by them both. It was so...normal.

"So pretty!" she said, more than once with a smile.

When we got inside, the ordering of the food began. His mom began ordering everything in Mandarin and then in Cantonese when she found out the waitress spoke it. I tried Century Egg and this rice porridge dish among other things. It was such a new experience. If you had asked me the day before if I had ever eaten Chinese food, I would have said yes. The realization that beef with broccoli isn't really Chinese food...was a fast one. I fiddled with my chopsticks and made it through lunch without any huge embarrassments. I watched as his mom served his father's food and how she put the needs of everyone else at the table before her own.

The real lesson learned that day wasn't about the food, though. MCG and I learned together that just because his parents are very Americanized didn't mean that I should have expected to eat fried rice and beef with broccoli. It didn't mean that I should have expected the same kind of culture at the table as I would at my dad's house.

The problem was, to him, his parents seem very American in comparison to other Chinese families he knows. Because of that and because he is so used to the little things that might seem new and different to me, a person who doesn't know any Chinese families, we didn't really spend as much time preparing as we should have. He didn't realize that through my eyes, the lunch would be different than anything I have ever experienced before, even if by comparison it wasn't the most traditional Chinese lunch ever to take place.

Later in the week we went to a Southern restaurant and MCG's m&d reciprocated. They tried fried pickles, a favorite from my childhood. We ate cornbread, pulled pork, ribs, meatloaf and collard greens.

The best part is, we are all in this together learning about each other. And I feel closer to MCG everytime I learn more about his family and culture.

How?

2009-09-29T11:17:00.001-07:00

So, how did we meet?

Just like any normal people. At a bar.

It was a Tuesday night. I was there for a drink with a few friends and sitting in the back corner when my Chinese Guy walked in. I noticed him immediately.

"Wow, that guy is soooo hot," I said to my friends.

I stared at him. I literally could not peel my eyes away from him. And he was looking back. After gushing for a good 20 minutes over and over to my friends, a guy in our group casually got up to go to the bathroom. When he came back, I saw him at the table of my Chinese Guy with two shots. And before I knew it, they were on their way over. My Chinese Guy handed me a shot and told me he was lucky enough to have my friend come over and give him an opportunity to talk to the "gorgeous blonde in the corner."And then we had a great conversation. And a first date. And a first kiss.

To this day, we wonder how it was so easy. We talk about if he would have ever come to talk to me without my friend coming over to him. His guy friends make jokes about how he needs to write a book on how to "get white girls." To us, it's nothing out of the ordinary. And we see other white-girl-asian-guy couples all the time. We even have a code word for it that we whisper when we see one. Or hapa babies. Or anything that makes us feel like we are just like other couples.

Who?

2009-09-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

My Chinese Guy-

He was born and raised in the Bay Area and relocated to the East Coast for grad school. He is the smartest, most amazing man I have ever met. Not to mention extremely handsome (according to my female Asian AND Caucasian) friends. His parents are Cantonese and are very American in some ways and very traditional Chinese in others. Having just moved to our neck of the woods, they are very welcoming and excited about our intercultural relationship and future.

Me (The White Girl)

I was born and raised in the South and am in my mid-twenties. I am of German and Irish decent (blonde hair, green eyes) and consider myself very traditional. My father does not fulfill typical Southern stereotypes, nor most typical father stereotypes. He and my (Mexican) stepmother are extremely open to other cultures, lifestyles etc.

Us

We have been dating since Dec. 2008 and official/serious since Jan. 2009. We semi-cohabitate and are very, very deeply in love.

Why?

2009-09-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

I started this blog after meeting my Chinese-American boyfriend's parents and scouring the internet for some kind of advice on what to do and how to deal - something more than "take of your shoes before you enter." Sadly, there wasn't much.

It all started when I chose not to eat my Chinese Guy's mother's ox tail soup (a week after I met her). We knew before going over for dinner that this would be the dish served. It was something so very foreign and unappetizing to me at first. Nothing against Chinese food. I am a picky eater to begin with. I asked him how I could politely tell her I would prefer not to eat it, and he said to just tell her I had already eaten. When we arrived, she insisted that I try it while my Chinese Guy had gone to the bathroom. It is, afterall, his favorite dish. So...I did. I ate all the broth (which was yummy!) and ate around the ox tail in the bowl. When she saw that I hadn't touched it, he told his mother that I wasn't ready to try the ox tail, and I assured her that I would - in time - become more accustomed to Chinese cuisine.

When we left, we weren't even to the car before I asked him why he left me there on my own to tell her about having already eaten, knowing I really wanted to please his mother and couldn't tell her no. He was upset that I wasn't interested in eating his family's food. He felt like I was showing distate for his culture. After a long night of tears and emotions, we both agreed that this wouldn't be the last time we encountered a small (yet extremely big when crossing cultural lines) difference.

The next day, I did my best to try to understand. I found this article which explained how Chinese mothers show their love for their families...with food. Because Chinese culture is not one of snuggling and hugging, love is manifested in other ways. And then I understood. He felt like I was turning down a sign of love and acceptance from his mother. And I wished that someone had told me.

Hence, the White Girl Chinese Guy blog.